Can I Buy You A Drink?

24 Jul
Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt

In 2007 auto-tune extraordinaire, T-Pain, had the clubs, radios and bars rocking to his commercial smash hit, “Buy You A Drink”.  It was an extremely catchy title and beat but if you listen to the lyrics and get the premise of the song, you’ll understand just WHY I’m about to tell you that it’s NOT a good idea to let him BUY YOU A DRINK!  In case you are not familiar with the song, at the end of this post will be a clip of the song along with the lyrics.

Initial Meeting

How many times have you been out somewhere and you had a “chance encounter” with a seemingly nice guy? He stops you and strikes up a conversation and you seem interested so you decide to exchange numbers.  You get home sort of excited to hear from him and debate the age-old question, “Should I call him or should I wait for him to call me?”  Either way, a first conversation takes place between the two of you.  During the first conversation, after you get all of the particulars out of the way regarding careers, cars, relationship status and general time-wasting rhetoric, he suggests that you two get together for a date and his first suggestion is, “LET’S GET TOGETHER FOR DRINKS”.  Well since he seems so interesting and just talking to him gives you butterflies, you quickly accept his offer without hesitation.  But WAIT, why did he just suggest drinks and not dinner or a movie?  Here is where you have to be careful about his motives and the potential disastrous effect that this could have on your first “date” with him.

Having drinks on a first date can be innocent fun but it also has the potential to go very wrong.  Believe it or not, men like to test their limits with women to see how far we will let them go and to see what type of woman they are dealing with.  BEWARE, if on this first date, he seems too comfortable with you drinking shot after shot, multiple glasses of wine or hard liquor or he keeps pushing you to do so.  He may be offering you drinks so that you will release your inhibitions (as most people do when they drink) and he can get you to be more flirtatious with him, more forthcoming with information, more ambitious and even open to sleeping with him on the first date.  Some women might ask, “What’s wrong with that, we’re both consenting adults?”  Well I can tell you that most men, when asked, will tell you that contrary to what you might think, they really don’t respect you in the morning after sex on the first date.  I know you THINK they do, but they DON’T, even if they’ve lied to you and said they did!  They will most likely place you in what my husband often refers to as “Category C”, which is no room for upgrading to a girlfriend or eventual wife status (Category B and A respectively) but they WILL call you for sex again.  Also, if you are a “heavy drinker” or someone who likes to drink to get wasted, THE FIRST DATE is NOT the time for that.  If his motives were purely innocent and he just thought that you two could go somewhere to talk and get to know each other better over a FEW drinks, then you will RUIN a good night by getting tipsy and becoming too talkative or throwing up!  He will most likely think you have a drinking problem, consider you unattractive and will NEVER call you again.  Getting wasted on a first date is NOT COOL!

In The Club

When women go to the club, we all pretty much have the same rituals.  The first thing we do when we walk in is survey the room to see whose in there and then we hit the bar.  The bar is usually crowded with men ordering multiple drinks; one for them and one for a lady standing by the bar or sitting on the bar stool waiting patiently for that free drink.  Ladies usually stay close to the bar at a club for two reasons: 1)that’s where the seats are because we can’t stand too long in our 2-hour shoes and 2)we know free drinks will be coming.  The problem is that these FREE DRINKS come with a PRICE!  Now that you’ve accepted that FREE drink from the dude with the gold tooth, tight shirt and the gold rope chain with the Mercedes-Benz medallion on it, you are almost obligated to PAY attention to him for as long as you can stomach his conversation or until someone saves you.  He will most likely follow you around the club all night and ask for dance after dance until your run out of excuses or show him a bleeding toenail to prove that your feet don’t work.  The other “hot guy” who bought you a drink and that you don’t mind talking to and dancing with all night, will inevitably make references to “hooking up” before the night is over.  He has it somewhere in the back of his mind that you OWE him what’s under your tight-fitting dress for that cheap liquor that he just bought.  Men don’t buy drinks in the club for sport, they buy drinks to see whose coming home with them at the end of the night.

If you find yourself going home with the “hot guy” at the end of the night from the club because you are a little tipsy and he whispered something really appealing in your ear, BEWARE! He might just bring friends with him (rape, HIV, danger, etc.)! Women at clubs are prime targets for kidnapping, rape and murder because when you are intoxicated, you don’t have all of your faculties to make good decisions.  Hopefully you have friends who will not allow you to leave the club with a virtual stranger in that state (See Natalie Holloway).  Even going to a strange man’s house as a group is not even safe because men can easily overpower women and you all don’t know what you are getting yourselves into.  Even if nothing dangerous happens to you by going home with the “hot guy” from the club, you don’t even KNOW him and you don’t EVER want to wake up looking over and thinking, “Who the BLEEP is this, where am I and what happened?” Now you have to take that walk of shame to your car trying to piece together the events of the night feeling hung over and used!

When making the decision to accept a drink invitation whether or not it’s a first date or at the club, there are a few things to consider:

  1. Don’t drink BEYOND your tolerance level.  If you have one drink and begin feeling buzzed or tipsy, STOP HERE! You want to make a good impression and not turn him off before he’s even gotten to know you.
  2. Don’t make any MAJOR life decisions that you’ll regret later while you are drinking.
  3. At the club, when accepting a drink from a stranger, GO WITH HIM to the bar and let the bartender put the drink in YOUR hand because date rape drugs are REAL ladies.

When it’s all said and done, ladies, PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY!

6 Responses to “Can I Buy You A Drink?”

  1. snoop July 26, 2011 at 10:21 AM #

    I would have to disagree with you on this one. I have plenty of successful, ambitious, and relationship loyal (as loyal as men can be…LOL) friends who have married thier equal after having sex on the first date. Yes, there are plenty of women they had sex with on the first date that they did not marry. But I believe it was more about timing and/or the fact that she was not “the one”. A man has alread determined if he has enough in common with her to decide if he wants to see her again with or without sex. Her drinking and becoming relaxed just gives her more cool points. A man has seen that she has it “going on”….now he sees that she the type that can “let her hair down” during their marriage…….Be his “homie/lover/friend.

    • My Relationship Reality July 26, 2011 at 11:53 AM #

      Snoop,
      You make a few valid points that there are guys who ACTUALLY take women seriously after sex on the first date. It seems that these men are in the minority though. I listened in on a radio show on this very topic and the MAJORITY of the men calling in or in the chatroom said NO respect is given to sex on the first date. I’m also not saying DON’T drink on the first date or get “open”, I’m just saying don’t be surprised at the outcome. Getting “open” on the first date as a “preview” can also backfire too because I know plenty of guys who think, “does she do this with EVERY guy?”.

  2. snoop July 26, 2011 at 3:36 PM #

    I think more people marry under these circumstances than we think, but would not broadcast it to others. Or they would even lie and because of the stigma attached to it. ;)

    • My Relationship Reality July 27, 2011 at 12:53 PM #

      Snoop,
      I’m starting to think that you might be right about people not wanting to admit it. I’ve asked more guys yesterday and they say that they DO NOT take women seriously after that because the incentive to get to know her is gone. It appears that the main objective is to sleep with her at some point while getting to know her along the way but if she let’s him hit, the intrigue is over! I’m about to add a pole at the end of this post to see what men really think anonymously!

      • snoop July 27, 2011 at 4:46 PM #

        I like these type of conversations, because it is fun. I wish others would chime in. I do know some of my friends who would say the same thing (they WOULD NOT). But they have wifed up or stayed with a woman who fell into following categories:

        1. Woman cheated on them and they took the woman back.
        2. Later became serious with a woman they were having casual sex with while she was in a relationship with another man.
        3. Serious with a woman who was his mistress at one time.
        4. Serious with a woman who dated and/or had kids by a married man in her life.
        5. Became serious with a woman who used to date his friend.
        6. Became serious with a woman who who used to be best friends with his ex.
        7. Admitted she had a one night stand at one point in her life.

        Most of us know females who fall into this se category, but are now loyal to their men. When woman find a man that is willing to love them, they usually (not always) stay loyal. Because they prefer love over “jump offs”. She may have had sex with some others on the first date, but this is the one that lasted
        We all

  3. Mark Machine August 19, 2011 at 2:11 PM #

    I learned a lot from this post, great help for me, thank you!

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